Thursday, July 22, 2010

monkey terror!

Taliban Training Monkey Terrorists!

(note: pictured above is an ape not a monkey, but it's holding a fucking gun and is righteous so fuck it.)

Monkeys have been trained by the Taliban in Afghanistan to use machine guns and trench mortars against U.S. military forces, reports People's Daily Online.

According to this Chinese media story, monkeys can now operate the Kalashnikov, Bren light machine gun, and have the ability to identify and attack U.S. soldiers based on the appearance of their uniforms.

The report indicates the Taliban was inspired by none other than the U.S. Central Intelligence Agency, which it claims used peanuts and bananas to train "monkey soldiers" in Vietnam. This information was, in turn, attributed to a "British media" report from last month.

The story ends by saying, "A senior U.S. military source confirmed the existence of the Taliban monkey soldiers, military experts call armed monkeys 'monkey terrorists.'"


old dildo!

william shatner is a fucking baby faced fist magnet.

Sex toys have come a long way since the Stone Age. Last week, an excavation in Sweden turned up an object that bears the unmistakable look of a penis carved out of antler bone.

"Your mind and my mind wanders away to make this interpretation about what it looks like — for you and me, it signals this erected-penis-like shape," said archaeologist G┼íran Gruber of the National Heritage Board in Sweden, who worked on the excavation.

"Without doubt anyone alive at the time of its making would have seen the penile similarities just as easily as we do today," wrote Swedish archaeologist Martin Rundkvist on his blog, Aardvarchaeology.

Ancient phallic objects:
The carved bone was unearthed at a Mesolithic site in Motala, Sweden, that is rich with ancient artifacts from between 4,000 to 6,000 B.C. The area's unique features may have allowed bone artifacts, which usually get destroyed over the millennia, to survive.


Tuesday, July 6, 2010

worst. poem. ever!

while i was trying to find out what kind of scooter Froggy from the Little Rascals was riding when he was killed, i came across the worst poem ever. wtf? im sure this dude is a blast at parties.


I like pornography - if it's legal
especially when I can't be with someone
to get me excited sexually.

My wife and I enjoyed the movie
I am Curious Yellow.
We didn't care for Deap Throat.

I don't rent X-rated movies
cause I don't want my name recorded.

A cable channel advertised "Mr. Skin"
It claimed to have nude images
taken from released movies.
I became a member at $4.95 a month.

The next day and thereafter I was bombarded
with dozens of lewd E-mails every day!
The images on Mr Skin were all so dark
I called up and terminated my membership immediately.

For six months I had a daily chore of deleting lewd E-mails.
Then one day I took a peak
and decided to collect some pornographic images.

After a couple hundred I got tired of it
and only went after pictures of pretty faces.

I thought I might use them as models
to make some stylized paintings
but I'm no better at that art than ever.
These still pictures don't interest me any more.
I just want the real thing!
should get rid of them to reclaim the space.

One day someone sent me an E-mail
with family photos in an application
called Picaso

I installed it and it went searching my computer
and came up with an organization of all my images
including those I considered private!

I quickly deleted the shortcut to Picaso
so no one else would see them accidentally!
Some application developers got a lot of nerve.

And Microsoft as well.
Every time I accidentally touch another key
up pops a menu which has nothing to do
with what I'm trying to do!

Or the narrator comes on in that dead voice
reading all the garbage that's on the screen!

When your doing touch typing
all the other functions should be turned off
till you specifically hit a key high up on the keyboard
which turns on these other features!

And the Gateway and HP notebooks
with that pad for moving the cursor
is the worst thing for touch typing.
You are always touching it and
sending the cursor way away from
where you are trying to do your work.

HP will never get my business again.
I bought an Ink Jet 1220 C printer.
They included drivers and a tool kit.
It supported two way commuication with the printer.
Let you see how much ink was left.
When Microsoft Windows XP came out
HP did not updata the drivers
Two way communication no longer works
so you can not see how much ink is left.

The IBM solution for moving the cursor is better but still needs
other keys blocked when your in a typing application!

And when your moving the cursor over text
in a text editor it becomes a very thin vertical line,
almost invisible to see--
Why don't they make it bright red
or an option to make it thicker?

Microsoft is a lousy company!
Too bad the Justice Department didn't split it up
and make the business more competitive!

By Donald Warren, © 2008